revenge is bitter

sighz....
revenge is sweet to the tongue...but bitter when it reaches the guts.
y is this? i always thought revenge is sweet.
but when i actually get my hands dirty, the euphoria lasts only for a moment, before guilt takes on over and i feel so rotten. y dun i relish the victory of deceit? y dun i feel the joyful madness of a madmen before, he disintegrates?

y do i give in to my darker self? y can't i hold back my tongue, or thoughts, or my actions?
i just want to hide...i want to run away...from everyone...from myself especially.

how have i fallen? how far have i fallen?
from the walls of glory to the trenches of my own failure.

i hate myself.